While the Rhythm of the Rain Keeps Time

Came in to work yesterday to find everyone freaking out because we were having "evaluations".

So for about half an hour, I was thinking that like management was going to like observe us and write us up if we did anything wrong.

Finally one of my coworkers came over and was like "I'm taking over for you so you can talk to (team lead)." And I said "oh hell, what did i do?"

She laughed and said "You didn't do anything. She's just going over your performance and what we're doing for the holidays, you'll be out in five minutes."

Oh. Okay. So at the start of the holidays, they pull everyone in to the office individually to go over what we need to work on and sort of what we as a store need to work on. It's just so everyone is on the same page kind of deal.

Team Lead was like "you're fine. I don't have anything to really tell you. Your time is good, you're friendly, you've never had a complaint." Then she went over like what to do if a customer gets confrontational which was basically "Walk away and call either one of us or one of the girls at the desk to come handle it." Because a couple coworkers keep getting into it with customers. Apparently our "friendliness" rating with customers has gone down and like. . .as she put it, it's probably just The Horrors we're living in making everyone on edge. I have noticed customers being more like angry or beligerent than usual. Like they walk up expecting that we're going to do something to screw them over and like. . .fam, I promise most of us don't care enough.

But ALSO there are multiple coworkers now who are new and who tend to like. . .pick fights or like just. . .AREN'T friendly or get confrontational. Like not even new people, one coworker (who I adore! I miss working with her when I was on mornings) tends to get mad and just like. . .shitty with customers really easily. And I get that like they get on her a lot about not doing things the way they want but like. . .NONE of us do that, we just do it enough to keep them off our backs.

Manager even said "you're always mid to evening shift and I can TELL when you've been here because everything is clean and the rates for hand scans are high". So she asked like "what are your goals here at (store)? Do you want to move up? or train in other departments?"

And I said, "No, I want a job where I come in, do my job and go home to live my life."

She said, "That's perfectly fine. Some people don't want to move up or learn more, but if someone does, i don't want them to feel like they're being overlooked."

Cool.

But that explains why so many of coworkers were freaking out. I'm assuming most of them got their asses kicked for not doing their jobs. Cause when she said "A lot of your coworkers don't do things right" I laughed because like. . .there are literally people I DREAD working with and I hate that. And it didn't used to be like that.

She also said that like. . .If I have to call in to make sure I give the manager I talk to a reason because I guess they take that into consideration about whether or not you get pointed and she said "if it's personal and you don't feel comfortable telling (whoever's running the store that day), then text or call me or (Area Manager) so we can work with you. We don't want you guys getting pointed for things that you don't need to be pointed for." Then she said, "I know you walk to work. If the weather is bad, if it's storming too hard or the winter is bad, do NOT try to come in here. Call me, let me know that you're not coming in and I'll handle it, I don't want you trying to get in here when it's unsafe."

Which made me feel a little relieved cause there have been a few times where I called out because the weather WAS so bad.

Anyway. Then she sent me out to take over for another coworker and the day was pretty uneventful.

Which is good cause I'd rather be putting my energy towards All Ships than worrying about work. I posted the two fics I finished and am going to TRY to finish the Edenshipping one this week. I feel weird not having anything for Yuki/Kakeru this year and like. . .IDK if I can motivate enough SPITE to do something for Yoshiki/'Hikaru' in the next five days but we'll SEE.

I TRIED to fix the dishwasher, which still isn't draining but could NOT figure out how to get into the drain even with instructions from the manufacturer, so I'm going to clean the dishes the next few days and then call maintenance to come deal with it.

With it getting to be the fall (it's barely getting above 60 degrees rn), I really wanna re-read Guardian. But like. . .I should probably do the canon for smallfandombang.

I need to grab a Google Play giftcard after work so I can add some money to my Kodansha account to keep reading WBK. It's officially summer vacation there and I am EXCITED to see what bullshit happens next. Supposedly, the newer chapters are FINALLY getting into Sakura's backstory, so hype for that.

Everytime I think of buying lunch from work, I need to think "that's half a volume of (whatever manga)". I did buy some stuff for dinner the next couple nights so I can go home, throw food in the microwave and work on fic. Or read. Or watch something.

I started The Betrayal Knows My Name last night. I know I read some of this back in the day but I don't remember anything but the aesthetics.

Also. . . Windbreaker is wild omg. The whole Endo fight and Sakura's reaction to Endo's attachment to him.

I joked about Sakura building a harem but OHMYGOD.

LOSING MY MIND IN THE BREAK ROOM AT WORK.

Four more chapters and the War arc will be over and hopefully we won't deal with Endo and Takashi for awhile. Even Sakura was like "we're not friends! We can just talk sometimes omg."

I ended up falling asleep last night at about 3 AM and then I took a bit of a nap around. . .11 AM? IDk I woke up at 1 pm. I did some of the dishes and have work clothes in the laundry rn. I finally feel rested/awake. And not in as bad of a mood as I have been. I've been waffling through boughts of anxiety/despair for the last couple of days and like. . .there's no reason for it. It's been a bad headspace month, I think. Feeling better today and we'll see how long it lasts. I'm slowly poking at fics for All Ships but at this point if the one fic is all I get posted then. . .it's all I get posted. I can always finish the others LATER.

I went back to like two different fics this year that I thought I'd abandoned last year (three if we count TFTHY) so I am a little more optimistic that I will finish it when the time comes. Maybe the timing wasn't right and all I wanted to do was read and watch Hyde music vids.

Threw open the windows to let some fresh air/sunlight in. The dishwasher isn't draining and the way it's installed, I can't figure out how to make it drain on it's own so after I do the dishes that are IN IT, I'm going to have to message maintenance to come fix it. Sometimes it does this and then it'll just randomly work again but it won't even turn on atm.

Also realized that the chocolate milk I bought expires tomorrow so I am trying to finish it today.

I completely forgot I was supposed to call about insurance today and now it's too late. It's probably not a big deal, I will just wait and see how much it is when we can finally log in to sign up.

Also, The Band Camino concert is in a month. \o/ EXCITED.

I listened to some of the new All Time Low album and IDK if it's my hearing being terrible, Spotify's trash service or something to do with how they recorded it but I cannot HEAR Alex over the music half the time. I know that's always a thing with this style of music but like. . .literally cannot hear a word he's saying. And usually I look at the lyrics to follow what they're saying but the words aren't up yet. Frustrating!

So yes. Feeling a little better just in time to have to go back to work. Two days off is not enough. I know I work less hours a day than at old job but I was very used to one day to recover from work and two to get things done.

I woke up after about three hours with a sore throat and a runny nose. Took a Sudafed, although I suspect it's a long running ear infection that I can't do anything about until I have actual health insurance.

So while I was up I used my GoodRx membership to make an appointment for my covid and flu shots. It's gonna be like $120 but I will be protected. I go next Wednesday.

My coworker told me last night another coworker was looking at the insurance information and that it's cheaper for the insurance if you're full time. So she stopped me and was like "hey, talk to (manager) about getting you coded as full time so it's cheaper for you." Cause I guess other coworker also said something about them making her full-time so she could get the insurance for cheaper cause she went 'You have seniority, so if they do it for anyone, it should be for you." Also my team lead had already said something about it if I needed to be put on full time for the insurance she would help me figure out how to do that.

So I said something to my manager while ANOTHER manager was also in the office.

And my manager went "I know there is a difference, but I don't know what it is, because when I started as part time I only covered myself and when I went to full time I was on the family plan because (husband) wasn't working at the time" He paused and went. "That's a question for (HR) manager. I would call her when she's in on Thursday and see what she can do about it. I know we usually only have leads as full-time even if you're doing the hours."

The other manager in the office went, "If you're full-time you have to have full availability."

And I went, "Okay but. . .what does that mean? I already work forty hours a week."

And my manager went, "For you it's just a coding situation. They'd just change your status. Get with (HR manager) and see what she says." Like the way the other manager (who I like a lot!) said it was kind of snotty like "well, you'd have to be here all the time" cause the way my manager cut in was very like "let me handle it."

So I need to do that on Thursday. We're supposed to get paperwork/information about prices and things in the mail and it might have arrived already because I didn't check the mail when I got home. Actually worried that even the full-time amount might be outside my budget but if I have time before it kicks in I can have SOME money saved up for it.

I also started taking some over the counter like acid reducer meds to see if that helps my stomach because I am constantly sick. Only to learn that you have to take it for like four days before I'll notice a difference, but. . .at least now I have it and hopefully it will help. I'm tired of feeling like crap all the time for one reason or another. I know some of it is getting older, but also come on. I'm trying to do things so I don't have to keep missing work.

Can't pay bills/for yaoi if I don't have the money.

Yesterday was wild at work. Like nothing awful happened but like. . .there were a lot of weird interactions both with customers and with coworkers all day.

Someone accused one coworker of smoking weed on the job. Nothing came of this as far as we know but our security and management did get involved. (We're not sure what happened but, like. . .I'm pretty sure her boyfriend borrows her car so if she did smell like weed it might have been THAT.) I didn't notice anything and the smell of weed usually sets off my asthma so I don't think that was the case but STILL.

One coworker stopped a guy from stealing some like. . .IDK pacakges of meat and he got mad at her like SHE was the problem and as he left, he said something and we couldn't hear everything but he called her a bitch. Either way when I left I was like ". . .call your son to come get you if you don't feel safe when you leave." I assume she's fine but STILL. People are nuts and the guy was clearly on something.

THEN. Another coworker came in with her girlfriend (who also works there but I don't really know the girlfriend) and she waved me over as they came in to the self-checkout lane and was like "I need this bad boy out of it's case" and handed me one of the vibrators we sell back in the pharmacy. She was very quickly beckoning me over as she came around the corner cause she didn't want my coworker to get to them first. Like they're not closeted but they were buying tequila, strawberries and a vibrator so they would have gotten comments. Or at the very least I would have heard comments about it later cause like. . .coworker (who I ADORE she's one of my favorite people there) always has comments when people there are dating each other. Not like snotty but just like. . .you know they're not supposed to be in the same departments.

ALSO. The first friend I made there was off work for several months for cancer treatment. She's been in a couple of times to talk to the HR lady and she's messaged some of the people who work on service desk. She came in yesterday and she was getting into one of the riding carts, she waved me over to her. So I came over, thinking she needed help and she went "Come get a hug!!" and hugged me so tight. When I asked how she was feeling she said, "I'm feeling great. They got all of it. I should be back with you all in November." Apparently she's SO BORED at home cause her husband and mom and daughter are like. . .still in protective mode.

But that's exciting. i was so happy to see her cause I miss her. When one of my younger coworkers first found out that I was in my 40's, this coworker was like "H said you're in your forties." I said "I'm forty-two" and she went "I'm forty-three. I knew there was a reason we got along so well." She's also the one who kept trying to talk me into watching Naruto. And when I showed her a picture of Kanda she was like "Oh. Oh he's hot. I would watch that just for him to show up."

SPEAKING OF D.GRAY-MAN.

I ordered the 3-in-1 volumes. Volumes 4, 5 & 6 have arrived. Or like. . .the set of 4, 5 & 6 have arrived. Like the second omnibus is here. IDK where the first one is cause I thought it was supposed to be here first but that's fine. It's currently on the bottom shelf of my manga shelf cause like. . .IDK what to do with it. Eventually I need to get rid of the empty bookshelf that's in my living room, get a smaller one and move all the danmei out in the living room so I have more room for the actual manga in there. Especially if I'm gonna start collecting WBK and Saiyuki as well. But that's a problem for me after bills.

I woke up at like 3 AM this morning with a sinus headache. But also had a flash of inspiration of. . .what if I changed two of my All Ships fics around to where I did a fic that I'd meant to write for RinHaru ages ago for day one and did a lyric thing for SuoSaku. Flash of Lifehouse's "Whatever It Takes" popped into my head.

Specifically this bit:

"If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said, "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

THOUGHTS!! Hmm. This is all a problem for when I'm off work. IDK that I have the. . mental fortitude to try to finish four fics in two days but we'll see. Now that I'm not suffering from PMDD induced exhaustion I'm like I WANNA WORK ON ALL THE THINGS.

( WBK spoilers )

I work today and then I'm off for two days and I again don't have anything I need to get done except write (and load/unload the dishwasher) so we'll see how things go. Probably watch more of Stampede and Naruto but otherwise.

( One more thing about Wind Breaker manga! )

I'm having a GREAT time. Did not expect the delinquent fighting story to be the thing that got me emotional but here we are! (Not to say other things haven't gotten to me lately, but yes. Good.)

Like I thought about it the other day and if I had to stop and think about the stories that. . .have run my life this year, it's been D.Gray-Man, Wind Breaker and Hikaru. Like. . .there've been others but if I have to stop and consider "oh what was I reading/watching right then that was affecting things".

I also have been rewatching BSD, FMA and Fruits Basket but like. . .Fruits Basket is always there and BSD is. . .BSD. They're like. . .a comfortable marriage at this point. Or something. IDK. I am under caffeinated.

Every one at work was having a TIME of it today oml. Like when I got there everyone had some different crisis going on. It calmed down a little in the evening, but then there was still issues with like. . .customers. And people running their mouths/complaining about things that don't matter.

I was so relieved to leave omg. It was a mess. Trying to embrace idea of I just come in, do my job and go home. I'm only coming in so I can earn money so I can live my life. Like nothing going on there affects me so long as I have the hours I need and can get insurance/my time off when I need it. But oml these younger people in there make everything so much drama.

Thankfully two of the people who were in charge a few months ago have both gotten back from medical leave so it's not as bad/annoying as it usually is.

Also, I don't drag my asexual ass in there every day to listen to them talk about their sex lives and whine about who they think is sleeping with who.

If they're not an anime boy, I don't wanna hear about their love life.

( Speaking of anime boys' love lives )

My new checking account has a thing where it tracks how much you spend on certain things. Like bills, groceries, whatever so you can see where you're maybe tossing money at things you don't realize you're tossing money at.

Yesterday I looked and realized I'd dropped several hundred dollars on what the app labelled as 'groceries' so I looked at it. And it's like $3 at work for something for lunch. . .$2 for a drink and there's only like one time when it was an actual grocery shopping spree.

So. . .what I'm going to try to do after rent is paid is take the money I would have been spending bit by bit on groceries and just place a large grocery order for all the stuff I'd usually be buying day to day. So I don't have to get tagged with tiny little transactions every day and feeling like I still have NO FOOD in the house.

I was under the impression that I spend too much on takeout and I do spend a BIT, but compared to like...buying little snacks here and there each day, it's nowhere near as much. If i spent half as much on having actual groceries in the house versus buying things on a day to day basis I'd probably be doing better.

So that's my plan for now. We'll see how it works out.

All Ships Week ended. . .yesterday? It closes today anyway and it wound up with me being interested in several different shows that I didn't really have on my radar prior to the week.

And talked me in to going back to D.Gray-man, so I've been reading that in the evenings before bed. I watched some of the anime back before 07-Ghost happened so I remember BITS of it. We'll see if I can stick with it this time.